Dealing With Toddlers "BAD" Behavior

It has been a minute since I have done blog post! Today I asked for some advice on dealing with my two year old, Henley Grace. She has really struggled lately with throwing major tantrums. She's just started off her days upset and stayed that way most of the day! It is so hard not to get frustrated with her behavior and I regret so much a lot of the ways I treated Krew when he was 2 and even still. So I reached out to my Instagram followers for some advice. I want to be the best mom I can be and I am always welcome to advice to be better! We are all just learning as we go, each kid is different but overall I want to be educated! I got some amazing advice and so many of you asked for me to share the advice I got. I will just share exactly what was sent to me! :) I got a lot of the same advice so I will condense the list! 

*My kids get extra jobs. Time out is to calm down, not a punishment. Even my 15 month old does them. Example: wipe the wall with a wet wipe, pick up and put a toy or toys away.

*This is the only thing that has ever helped my daughter when she has had those huge freak outs. I started to count to 3 and tell her to break, help her focus on something new. It took a few freak outs to get her to do breathing and she was 2 when we started doing that. 

*Think of how often you give her choices for things. You'll probably hear that toddlers like to feel like they are in control and thats why they throw tantrums. BUT I have found that if I give too many choice they think they can control everything. So try taking back all the control and giving her one thing she can choose from (little things like a color of a cup or plate). When we let them choose anything they think they can choose it all. 

Instead of timeout, try sitting with her. I would teach my kids to hold their own hand, it gives them something to focus on and makes them feel like they are in control. She will you need you to model that and sit with her while she controls her crying and breathing.

*Recommended: Unruffled podcast. It talks about finding the real cause of the tantrums and working on the cause instead of disciplining the tantrum. She teaches how toddlers ways of expressing their emotions is much healthier than how adults handle things.

*Positive reinforcement. Kids really just want to make us happy (even if it doesn't seem like it). I notice how happy Harper is when I say how happy I am that she helped or that I love when she is nice to her brother. Even jumping up and down with her showing my excitement. Also redirecting seems to help. I catch myself saying "don't do this, don't do that, no, no"etc... that seems to always make the situation worse. 

*I have a willful 2 year old daughter and I am navigating through what works and doesn't work with her tantrums as well. I've found that in addition to recognizing and rewarding the good behavior, I try to talk her through things in advance. Like, "we are going to go to target to shop. Remember you need to listen to mommy and act nicely..." Give her a ten minute warning and countdown before we leave somewhere fun. Also, getting down on her level and making eye contact helps make sure I have her buy in. When she wants to be a turkey she avoids eye contact. 

*I've heard (not yet experienced but I've heard it from multiple people) that when kids are being good to exaggerate that they're being good (words, treats, fun toy, activity, etc. whatever it is you want to help exaggerate). I don't know if you are doing this or not but just make it such a big deal when she is being good to help show her how to act and that makes everyone happy. 

*after posting this one ^^^ on my IG stories someone else responded and said: this is exactly what a therapist would do with truly deviant kiddos.

*My favorite parenting book Moms on Call. In there they say that tantrums are automatic "simmer time" aka time out so they can simmer down. Time out isn't just for being in trouble but a chance for them and you to take a minute to calm down.

This is all the great advice I was given! I am no expert which is why I reached out for advice. If you have any other tips please comment them so everyone can learn and grow. 

THANK YOU!!!!